Ascending Through The Mess #3

anxiety

aŋˈzʌɪəti/
noun

1.a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

My heart is pounding, my palms are sweaty and my legs feel like jelly. I’m taking deep breaths in an effort to calm myself down. I think of all the times I’ve done this before; staring at my pale face in the bathroom mirror and watching my expelled air condense on it. It’s relaxing, in a way. The bright orange tiles of the girls’ washroom in school seem to mock my current state of mind, but the sunlight can’t drive out the unpleasant feeling of anxiety this time.

I take a deep breath and rummaged through my bag , my hands enclosing around that dreaded piece of paper. I looked at the large red letter on it, “F”. It finally sunk in, I had failed a test for the first time in my life. How is this possible? Let’s bracktrack.

Did I study well for the test? Yes, well in advance. And the day before the test, it’s like a switch flipped in my brain where it went, “NOOO.” And the problem was that it didn’t stop internally screaming until now. On a second thought, it still hasn’t. Also, I was a bundle of nerves during the test. Why does this happen to me?

I know I shouldn’t think too much but I can’t help it. It’s like there are wrecking balls in my brain. I’m worried about my grades in the future. Will I keep failing tests? What I don’t finish school? What if I don’t get my dream job? No, I need to calm down. Deep breaths, again.

I’ve realized that all this worry stems from insecurity and stress. I need to believe in myself and be confident in my abilities. I need to take some time out and get a hold of my circumstances. Because I can.

I’ve come to accept that this suffocating monster is here, but I’m going to ensure that it is not here to stay. I can do this. I won’t let anxiety get the better of me.

Hey there! I hope you liked ATTM #3 which was all about how Sia battled anxiety. Getting good grades is something important but not so much that it troubles you. It can’t give you anxiety because that one test won’t determine you at all. You have to be strong and not lose hope!




-Ri,Sanjita along with the help of Thinker.

Updates:Weekly

©AestheticGraphy

Picture credits: Pinterest


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